The month of May is nearly upon us…and I can’t stop grinning like an idiot.

The fifth month has always had a marked effect upon one’s consciousness. It once signaled the conclusion of the school year, when summer vacation was still summer vacation, before becoming cluttered with numerous jobs and that bizarrely uncomfortable concept of summer school. Two words that should be illegal to mutter in related conjunction. What an inane concept. Who wants to go to school in the summer? As if going the rest of the year isn’t bad enough.

From an entertainment point of view May ushers into being what has become known as “the summer movie season” which coincidentally seems to begin progressively earlier every year. Fine by me, but May is the typical staging ground for an incoming assault of summer blockbusters, as movie studios proceed to fight over valuable summer bucks. Movies are fun and being flooded with them, confused on which ones to spend the lunch money is a relatively good feeling. The end results may leave one disappointed, but the journey is what counts…if that makes any sense.

Television also offers a comfortable level of season finales designed to trigger the salivary glands for the next season. I don’t watch many shows religiously, but for the ones that I do…there’s no way in hell that I miss the season ender.

This year is a little different from those of May’s past and most likely future. For reasons that will soon become obvious, a series of personal changes coupled with more quality entertainment than I’ve ever seen dispensed simultaneously, should make this one of the more interesting fifth months I’ve experienced thus far. Follow me as I attempt to keep my head above water during the oncoming flood.

May 1st
Presumably, I’ve finished my final assignment for the semester (a poetry portfolio), and I’m sitting somewhere with my feet propped with suitable reading material in hand. A personal crisis (which will be illuminated a little further down) should be preoccupying my thoughts, only deadened by the Alan Moore books I promised a friend to read and a couple new distractions for my Nintendo Gamecube. Spider-Man The Movie was purchased last week when my shopping impulse once again overrode my good sense, and Resident Evil should be in my possession. The latter is only to be played at night with the surround sound blazing and lights dimmed into nothingness. It’s only then that something made of polygons can make a grown man jump in terror like a frightened child. Should be great fun though, distracting me from the steady approach of the “real world.”

May 3rd
Come on…you know what hits today. The Spider-Man movie arrives at your local multiplex, committed to kick ass, and making a run for box office champ, only to be outdone by a little goliath known as Episode II. I was hesitant, I was skeptical, as I was during the X-Men movie craze, but the more footage I view, the more I’m inclined to believe that this entire situation is in fact NOT going to mutate into absolute bullshit. The accuracy of the proceedings remains to be seen of course, but I’m excited. Which is sometimes tough to do.

And how dope is it to see Spider-Man all over the place recently? From cereal boxes to Hardee’s tie-ins to Cingular, and that sweet Reebok Classic ad…our boy is literally crawling all over the place. TV Guide ran five Spidey covers this week. FIVE COVERS!? I’m riding this wave until it fades into oblivion as mainstream media pays the industry just a little more attention than usual.

We may even get a good movie out of the deal. Here’s hoping.

May 5th
This is the moment of truth. The door through which all else must follow. At approximately one in the afternoon central time…I will be graduating from college. Four years funneled in rapid fire manner leading to a moment that you literally can’t believe arrived so quickly. To realize that I’ve been in college for an entire four years is a scary concept. To come to grips with the fact that joining the real world will become not only an option but a necessity is worse. The momentous occasion isn’t even two weeks away…and there’s no job in sight.

Now…I could rifle off the reasons why the résumé has existed in a state of perpetual disarray for the last several months, or comment that there are countless other graduating seniors in the similar state of confusion I’m trapped in, or perhaps mention that with one more class to finish before securing the vaunted piece of paper labeled ‘diploma’, additional stall time is provided…but I won’t. I should have a job by now. Which means that I’ll likely spend the next year splitting time between the electronics dept. at my local Wal-Mart and whatever second part-time job I manage to secure, before heading back for more school in a graduate capacity.

If anyone probes any further, tell them I spent much of my free time this semester writing pitches and scripts that not many have read. Tell them I’ve been refining my craft or something. Just please…whatever you do…don’t tell my parents.

May 5th
Judgment Day. On May 6th, the world will become a different place.

May 6th
My friends slap the shit out of me for being overly dramatic. I commit myself to enjoying the remainder of the month, and begin looking for a job without the endless whining.

May 8th
Spider-Man: Blue hits shops everywhere from Marvel Comics. Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale tackle the web-slinger. If I have to explain to you why this is a good thing…I don’t think I can help you. Buy this for yourself…you’ll thank me later.

May 14th
X-Files: Season Five on DVD arrives at the local Best Buy, and like a mindless lemming I shell out another hundred bucks and place it beside its four friends on the shelf. I am an absolute sucker for these collector’s edition sets as the presentation and packaging is simply quite attractive, offering an aesthetically pleasing way of owning every episode of the X-Files ever put to film. Throw in some behind-the-scenes footage and I’m good to go. The episodes from the fifth season are even presented in widescreen format. What the hell else could I possibly want?

By the end of the month I may be finished plowing through all twenty episodes.

May 16th
Star Wars: Episode II. Now, if you’ve ever read the column on a semi-regular basis, you’re already aware of my thoughts on the Star Wars Trilogy and the profound effect it had on me as a future storyteller. You also know that I was one of the three people worldwide that didn’t loathe Episode I.

This installment is called Attack of the Clones, but stop pretending that you care what the movie is called. Peep the new trailers and attempt to feign disinterest. Go see the damn thing and return here after George Lucas recovers his credentials so I can say, “I told you so. I told you fuckin’ so.”

If not…I’ll probably end up covering for him again. You never know with these things, but I’ll be there on opening night to find out.

May 19th
The series finale of the X-Files. Nine years and two hundred episodes behind us, and it all comes to an end in a two-hour finale titled “The Truth”. I have literally no idea what to expect as creator Chris Carter has become progressively tangled in his own conspiracy tape over the last few seasons. Regardless, the show was never really about the conspiracy anyway, but the increasing friendship of the show’s title characters. That conspiracy stuff was merely the backdrop.

David Duchovny’s returning and there’s no way I’m going to miss this. Hell, I may even take the damn phone off the hook as I bid fond farewell to one of the best rides on television, regardless of the minor drops in quality and coherency over the last couple years. X-Files is good television. With any luck its swan song will prove relatively satisfying.

Stop frowning…it’s hard to keep this shit going for nine years. Look to Friends as an example of incestuous and derivative storytelling that will probably go on forever. These people are the exact same listless bastards they were when the program first began years ago. Can you say character development? Damn.

Anyway…learn “The Truth” May 19th on the Fox network.

May 21st
24 ends its impressive and heart-racing season tonight. I love new approaches to storytelling, and the producers of this show brought their best to the table. It helped immensely that several of the characters were profoundly interesting, and their actors were required and in many cases were able to convey a range of emotion befitting several great scripts. I can’t think of anything bad to say about this show.

I smell a DVD collection on the horizon as Fox once again makes another successful play at my wallet. If you haven’t been converted as yet, hope that Fox re-runs the whole affair during the summer. Not to be missed.

I’m not quite sure about this next one, but Buffy: The Vampire Slayer should be concluding its season tonight or possibly the following week. The season was directionless in parts (though I think this was the point), but Joss and company delivered a collection of solid episodes that only appear lacking in the wake of four nearly flawless years. I’ve heard a nasty rumor regarding the end of this season, but I’ll keep it to myself for the time being.

May 23rd
SBC’s resident bad boy Simon returns with more tales from The Monkey House. He’s been wallowing in the real world for much too long and seeing him return to the realm of the weekly internet column should be a treat. He’s running with some Funky group of conspirators now as well. Sure he’s aching to tell us all about it…

May 31st
If a pile of money falls on my head over the next few weeks…I’ll be overseas with the SBC crew at Comics International 2002. Don’t hold your breath for this one though. I’ve been trying to trip over extra money for the last several years…and apparently I’m doing something wrong.

Ya neva know though…

Well there you go…May Ambidextrous style as I revel in the knowledge that during the upcoming month…it’s going to be real cool being a geek.

You should do the same.

Brandon Thomas

Next Week: I’m going to con my editor into allowing me to run some poetry. Be sure to return for Spoken Word…you’ve never read a column like this…

Important Note: Stop by the Ambidextrous message board to witness the birth of what should become a regular compliment to the main column. A little something we’re calling Peep Game. What the hell is Peep Game and why should you care? Only one way to find out. Go ahead. Click the button.


About The Author