For the last few weeks I have really been looking forward to my Saturday mornings. When I was a kid it was all about the cartoons, but now that I’m all grown up I have me some new Saturday candy — Zatoichi the Blind Samurai.

The Blind Samurai is a Japanese film series that started in the 1960s about a blind guy who happens to be one of the most lethal swordsmen in feudal Japan. People laugh at him. They call him helpless and try to cheat him in games of chance as they suck down bowls of sake. Ichi hates that (the condescending remarks, not the sake). Fortunately most of the people who insult him happen to be evil, scheming gangsta bitches. They steal, murder for profit and of course, talk tons of shit, only to watch the honorable Ichi cut them down with supernatural speed, barely removing his blade from it’s sheath.

But it really isn’t the action that makes these films interesting, it’s the detailed stories and the focus on the often sad and isolated existence of Ichi, who longs to be accepted and loved but always pushes away those who get close to him. Or, you know, he just “watches” them die.

If you like the idea of a series that’s part Lone Wolf & Cub and part Daredevil, and you have access to the Independent Film Channel, watch a new Zatoichi film every Saturday morning at 8 AM. Here’s a pic.

Now let’s move on to your weekly love. The only kind of love that can be expressed through clicking on banners or skyscrapers. The kind of love that will bring you into the arms of our sponsors, Dynamic Forces. Today’s Daily Special is the Storyteller Package. In it you’ll find: Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating… Robin signed by Stan Lee, Batman #609 signed by Jeph Loeb, JLA #61 signed by Joe Kelly, Justice Leagues: Justice League of America #1 signed by Tom Peyer, and Silver Age 80 Page Giant #1 signed by Mark Waid, for just $99.99.


Moore Or Less

Stephanie Moore, Marvel editor and Epic project manager, has cast a big ‘ol fatboy spotlight on the controversial new Marvel submission program this week. On Thursday she began a new thread on X-Fan called Questions for the Editor where people have been inquiring about the status of their entries and the Epic line in general.

Moore says that five people at Marvel are now reviewing the entries and that only 500 writing submissions and 100 art submissions have been sent in so far. As expected, most entries have been sent by Americans. “Not a huge amount of submissions for mainland Europe,” Moore says. “A ton from the UK/Ireland, though.”

When asked if any open submissions have been greenlit yet, Moore says, no. She adds that the most notable trend in the submissions thus far is the use of existing Marvel characters rather than original concepts. She also mentions that the Epic-approved artist gallery will be going up in the next couple weeks. “It’s not really necessary yet since no projects are yet to the stage where writers would be shopping for their creative team. The page will be public, but I think I’ve decided at this point that people will only be able to contact artists through me; otherwise, they will get flooded.”

Moore revealed that the biggest stumbling block for writers is character introduction. “A common mistake people make is to open with a character going about some mundane business while an internal narration is laid over the scene thru captions. ‘The world knows me as Wonder Man, but my friends call me Simon…etc. etc.’ that sort of thing. The problem here is that this might be riveting to someone who loves Wonder Man and has been reading about him for decades, but for someone who doesn’t yet care about Wonder Man, this is a big snooze. Characters must be introduced by showing them being themselves, not by having them tell the reader about themselves. As a side note: people have been handling the logistics of submission pretty well, though several folks have left out that SASE.”

On the business side of things, Moore says that Marvel won’t solicit “any book until the entire comic has been completed. The creator is perfectly welcome to announce to the world that they have received an acceptance letter, though.”

According to Moore, she is able to review 10 – 20 scripts a day and adds that “the general turnaround time from when we receive the submission to when we send out the letter is anywhere from a week to three weeks. However, the review process isn’t completely glitch-free yet. So there really aren’t any conclusions you can draw from the amount of time that’s elapsed, I’m afraid.”

Moore also offers some advice to those writing stories to submit. She says that the way a story should be written depends on the kind of story you want to tell. She uses a Bill Jemas example. “Obviously, NAMOR and THE LOSERS are very different kinds of stories trying to accomplish very different things. An action-packed opening is appropriate for THE ULTIMATES but not for NAMOR (at least, not for the Namor story Bill is interested in telling). Frequently, the appropriate way to open a story is to start with small-scale, real-world stuff and build up to the action. RUNAWAYS is a good example of this; Brian Vaughan’s small-scale opening makes the stuff that happens later all that much more startling. Bill’s favorite example of this approach is “Die Hard”. The stuff Bruce Willis is doing at the beginning is very mundane, very small-scale. When he first starts fighting the bad guys, he is doing things an ordinary person could do. But by the end of the movie, he is a super hero — he’s practically flying. There are very few successful stories that open with ludicrous action and maintain a steady level of that through to the end. Most stories are structured as a crescendo: they begin in relative tranquility, and build in intensity until they hit a climax of action, then taper off and resolve themselves in an ending. Structuring a story like that — whether it’s over the course of a single issue or three issues — is a good way to go.”

Finally, when asked what kind of Epic book she would write Moore responded, “I think if I were going to write an EPIC book, it would be about an old, totally obscure villain called The Needle. He was a mute tailor who could hypnotize people and his weapon was a giant needle. I think there is some rich revamp potential there.”

This Has A “Yippie-Ki -Yay, Motherfucker!” Value of Nine Out of Ten


Trading Post

I recently heard a rumor that Marvel has advance solicitations for graphic novels on www.amazon.com. And I’m not talking the three-month sneaks in Previews. I checked into this and there are books on Amazon that are scheduled to come out in March and April of next freakin’ year. So far, I’ve found the following:

December 2003
Captain America: Ice TPB
Venom TPB
Ultimate Spiderman: Irresponsible
Paradise X vol. II TPB
New X-Men: Assault on Weapon X TPB
Daredevil: Hardcore TPB
Fantastic Four: Unthinkable TPB
Avengers: Red Zone TPB
Wolverine: Snikt TPB

January 2004
Incredible Hulk HC
Ultimate X-Men: Blockbuster TPB
Human Torch TPB
Mystique TPB
Runaways TPB
Sentinel: Salvage TPB
Quest TPB
Spiderman – Maximum Carnage
Punisher: Streets of Laredo TPB
Thanos: Marvel Universe – The End TPB
New Mutants TPB
The Eternal trade

February 2004
Inhumans: Lunar TPB
The Crew TPB
Wolverine: The Brothers TPB
Truth HC
Born HC

March 2004
Fantastic Four: Authoritative Action TPB
Spectacular Spiderman TPB

April 2004
Namor TPB

Click on The Eternal and you’ll see an example. Man, Marvel seems to put out a trade 2.5 seconds after an ongoing arc is complete or a mini-series finishes. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a trade come out before a monthly story ends one of these days.

This Has A “Sent To Collections” Value Of Seven Out Of Ten


Half A Million Monster

Speaking of collected editions and graphic novels, I’ve been told that December 32nd, the new graphic novel by French creator, Enki Bilal, sold over 400,000 copies in just it’s first month of being released in Europe.

According to Humanoids Publishing, December 32nd is the story of a man with perfect recollection who is pursued by terrorists determined to destroy mankind’s memory of history and culture. It’s the sequel to Bilal’s GN, Dormant Beast.

We need to bring some of that European Kool-Aid over to the States and put it in the water supply. 400,000 copies for a hardcover book priced at $15.95?!? Damn.

This Has A “The French Can Actually Kick Our Ass In Something?” Value of Nine Out of Ten


Vivid Imagination

So, I heard this wild rumor that Vivid, a popular adult film company, was getting into the comic book business. I discovered that not only is this rumor true, but writer Steven Grant (X-Man, Frank Miller’s Robocop), writer Antony Johnston (Three Days In Europe) and Avatar Press are on board the project. Here’s the official Vivid press release:

Vivid Girls Star in Novel and Comics

The world famous Vivid Girls (for example, see Jenna Jameson, pictured below) will be the stars of a new series of graphic novels and comic books from leading comic publisher Avatar press, Inc. The books will be published under the Vivid Comix imprint by Avatar and Vivid Entertainment Group.

The Vivid Comix will be launched with a large-format paperback graphic novel containing three lavishly illustrated, sequential stories written by top comic authors including Steven Grant and Antony Johnston and drawn by outstanding artists.

“We are breaking new ground with this series,” said Avatar president William Christensen. “We are creating a very hot and hip graphic novel format that will perfectly complement the quality of videos produced by the best company in the adult entertainment business. In keeping with the quality standards we have built at Avatar the artwork will be created by the finest talents in the industry today.”

Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid, said the imprint would be cross-promoted with Vivid’s videos, DVDs and on the popular Vivid.com Website. Further details will be available at VividComix.com (not yet available).

Steven Grant’s career includes creation of comic book story lines for favorites like Spider-Man and the Hulk at Marvel Comics. Grant also wrote adaptations of Hardy Boys and Tom Swift novels and did comic book versions of classics such as Hamlet, the Count of Monte Cristo, and the Island of Dr. Moreau and of the movies Alien and Robocop. His work on Badlands and DC Comics’ Challengers of the Unknown are considered milestones in conspiracy fiction in comics. He is currently working with Frank Miller on Frank Miller’s Robocop for Avatar.

Antony Johnston is the author of Frightening Curves (winner of the 2002 Ippy for Best Horror Novel), Rosemary’s Backpack and Three Days in Europe. He made the comic adaptation for Avatar of Alan Moore’s story, the Courtyard. He also adapted Alan Moore’s Another Suburban Romance.

I emailed Steven Grant and asked him about the project. He tells me that he is writing a tale called Dry Heat, an erotic crime comic that brings as much story as it does sex. The first question I asked him was how he got involved.

      I work with William Christensen at Avatar. HE works with Vivid. He was in town in January, took me to lunch at the Bellagio, and sheepishly asked me if I’d consider writing a porn comic. The last person who asked me that was Gary Groth, in the San Diego airport about four years ago. I told William the same thing I told Gary (for whom I’m actually been writing an “erotic crime comic” called

CHARLOTTE SOMETIMES

    since that meeting; Michel Lacombe is drawing it slowly, and it’s a little over a third drawn and two-thirds written): hell, I write superheroes, don’t I?

That may seem like a spurious comparison, but, really, they’ve got a lot in common. With superheroes you have to manufacture reasons why characters get into costumes and fight at the drop of a hat. With porn comics you have to manufacture reasons why characters undress and have sex at the drop of a hat. It’s only superficially different.

I don’t really know anything about what Antony Johnston’s writing in his story (hi, Antony!) but mine’s a fairly straightforward crime story — hell, I just typed come story by accident, is that a Freudian slip or what? — that happens to have a lot of nudity and sex in it. Anywhere I can get paid to do a crime story, I’ll go do that story. It’s as simple as that. I don’t mind writing sex scenes, as long as I can figure out ways for them to evolve at least semi-naturally out of the story. This one involves blackmailers. Not hard to work sex into it at all.

I mean, most stories are really about sex. think everyone knows most superhero fight scenes are just sublimated sex scenes anyway. That’s part of their appeal. What’s a superhero costume but fetishism? Let’s get real.

But I’m treating DRY HEAT as a serious story first and porn second. I want it to work as a story, which is a bit tricky because the sexual material has to be integral to it but the plot and characters still have to be interesting enough that you’d be willing to read the story even without the sex and nudity. Hopefully that’s what the story will be like.

After reading the press release I assumed the comics would be based on the Vivid girls. But Steven says that’s not exactly right.

    Writing porn actresses. Huh. Never really thought about it like that. First, I’m not writing the actresses, I’m writing characters that the actresses are the physical models for. I’ve never met the actresses, never spoken with them. I know what they look like. I’ve got a general idea of the types of characters they play onscreen, and I’ve molded their characters in the story somewhat to fit them, but, really, it’s no different than the wrestling comics I was writing a few years ago. Both The Rock and Sunrise Adams are actors. Writing’s writing.

And then I asked Steven if he thought writing these porn comics would in any way hurt his reputation in the comic book industry?

      As for my reputation… what reputation? Am I afraid people in the business will think less of me for writing high profile porn comics? 1) I’m not sure it’s possible for people in the business to think less of me; 2) I’ve never really cared what other people in the business think of me — some like me, some don’t — and this doesn’t look like a particularly good time to start; 3) when word of the Vivid comics leaked out, William was flooded with calls from other writers, some pretty high profile, begging for the chance to write Vivid comics. Am I afraid other publishers won’t want to buy my work once my name’s been attached to a porn comic? Not really. I sell 100,000 copies, they’ll be beating down my door wanting to get my name on books, to draw in the Vivid audience. Hell, we’re always talking about going after other markets. Avatar’s going after another market. Stigma? There’s probably more stigma to writing

MARVILLE

Update:

I sent Steven Grant some additional questions about the new Vivid/Avatar comics. Here’s the Q&A:

Markisan: You said that the Vivid/Avatar books will feature characters based on porn stars and that you’ve tried to incorporate their on-screen personalities into your book. What kind of character research did you do on this project?

Steven: Mainly went on the Vivid website and examined the movies. You don’t want the characters performing acts the actresses would refuse to perform onscreen, and, public perception of porn stars aside, some of them do have limits. Some will only perform with their boyfriends. Some will do oral but not vaginal or anal. Some will only perform solo. There are shades to porn, like everything else. It’s easy to snigger about it, but it’s a lot more complicated than it would seem at face value.

M: Can you talk some more about “Dry Heat”? What is this crime story about?

S: “Dry Heat” is set in Las Vegas because I love the town, and it’s about a femme cat burglar caught in the act by a couple of sisters who run a blackmail racket, seducing rich and powerful men and sometimes women and secretly filming it to extort money from them later on. In the process of one seduction they catch the cat burglar on film, and blackmail her into working for them. Much trouble ensues.

M: You mentioned you’re treating the book “Dry Heat” as a serious story first and porn second. But let’s face it, in porn the sex scenes are way more important than the stories. Was there any hesitation from your publisher or Vivid to take the serious approach?

S: You’d have to ask them. If there was, I didn’t get any sense of it.

Everyone wanted actual stories in the material from the word go, but you can’t really think in terms of the sex over there and the story over here; in order to make it work on both levels, it really has to be a story about sex, in which there really wouldn’t be any story if the sex weren’t there. You have to integrate them, and let the sex scenes flow naturally out of the course of theaction.

M: Will your comic devote pages to long, explicit scenes each issue, despite the concentration on story?

S: Oh, sure. There are roughly two lengthy sex acts per 12 page episode. Not that Vivid or Avatar asked for that specifically, that’s just how I’ve been pacing it. No point in writing a porn story if there’s not sex in it.

M: You said you haven’t spoken to any porn stars, but I’m sure they must be aware of the comics. Do you anticipate receiving any input from them at any time? Do you think you’ll meet any of the stars down the road?

S: I suppose it’s possible. I’ve no objection to them having some story input. I don’t really see any great necessity to meet them, but if it happens it happens. If it doesn’t it doesn’t. I could survive very nicely either way.

M: What do you think Vivid’s motivation is for creating comics based on their stars? It seems like the porn industry is always trying to gain respect in the film biz. Do you think a serious book starring a character based on say, Sunrise Adams, will help in this regard?

S: Again, you’d have to ask Vivid. I haven’t gotten any indication this has anything to do with the film industry or any question for “legitimacy.” As near as I can tell, Vivid just thinks it’d be cool to have some comics out there.

M: Like you said, Avatar is obviously going after a new audience — those that watch Vivid porn. Why do you think the comics will be well received by this group? Do you think these comics will be greeted kindly by mainstream comic readers?

S: I suspect these are very overlapping sets. But the PENTHOUSE comics did pretty well, while they were being published. Fantagraphics’ Eros comics has lasted a decade or more, and Avatar has had considerable success with “erotic comics.” I don’t see any reason either the porn audience or the comics audience would turn up their noses at the books. It’s not like this is a brand new idea, though no one has done a high profile launch for awhile. There’ve even been porn comics starring porn stars before, like Annie Sprinkle and Anna Malle. Except these are backed by a major adult film company and are hopefully better.

M: The Vivid press release says that the comic stories will be launched in a large, graphic novel format. What plans are there beyond the initial book? Will there be 22 page monthly comics?

S: No idea. I don’t know if anyone’s even thought that far down the road.

M: You are writing a crime comic. Will these books be written in other genres as well? Porn Superheroes perhaps?

S: Everyone asks that. Why is that? Is everyone that hot to see porn superheroes? Isn’t Wonder Woman balling Superman or Lex Luthor in every third story being published by DC these days enough to scratch that itch? I don’t know what genre Antony’s working in – I don’t know anything about his story – but I’m pretty sure superheroes aren’t on the plate. Of course, if you’re desperate for them, feel free to let Avatar know.

* No word yet on what artists might be attached to the Vivid/Avatar project.

This Has A “I Agree That I Am At Least 18 Years Or Older” Value of Ten Out of Ten


Claws Out

A few weeks back I ran a story about writer Chuck Austen deciding to leave the X-Fan message boards because fans were passive aggressive. Well, now the exodus continues with Wolverine artist Darick Robertson, who cancelled two online forums earlier this week, one of which was on X-Fan. On his personal website he writes:

    Just so you all know, over the weekend I resigned my forums at X-Fan and ComiXtreme.

I decided they were eating up too much time and causing me too much frustration. They’re an all ages board and for every five guys with something to say worth reading, you get a lot of yahoo’s bashing creators and then getting all touchy if you fire back.

If you disagree, they say you can’t take criticism, when their criticism is usually esthetics of how Logan looks, which is a matter of taste.

This is my board, I own it, and I’m getting traffic and I can say what I want, so I don’t see any reason to frustrate myself over at X-Fan. The folks that run it are cool, but I’d rather be where I can speak my mind in some peace.

So this will be the only place you all can discuss Wolverine and everything else with me from here on out.

When asked for further comments on his boards, Darick says that he didn’t like being called out by a guy at X-Fan who compared his work to Jim Lee’s. He also wasn‘t happy with people’s lack of visual creativity. He says:

    A lot of those fuckheads were of the mind that if I was disagreeing with them, somehow that meant they’d wounded me. I’m way too long in this business to let that stuff bother me as an artist, it bothers me as a fan!

You want to bash my work, go right ahead, but if you’re going to spread rumors, gossip and lies to make your point, you’re wrong.

What’s more is all the heat I was taking over Wolverine’s look. Man, if Frank Miller had listened to that nonsense, there would have never been Dark Knight Returns because he wasn’t drawing Batman like Jim Aparo or Neal Adams, and “Everyone knows Batman isn’t that big…” blah blah blah… I’m stunned how many people can’t think outside the box.

I said over there and I’ll say it again. Greg Rucka loves the work and I was achieving HIS vision as well as my own, so the snots that are saying they love the story and hate the art are missing the point that the art is telling the story. We aren’t doing a story about a younger more handsome Sean Chen style Wolverine, we’re doing a story about THIS Wolverine.

What’s more is I have been talking to Len Wein, who created the character, and guess what? He loves the book. Loves what I’m doing. Andy Kubert told me he loves the book when I saw him at Philly, and that I’m doing a great job. I told him I had big shoes to fill.

So those opinions resonate with me a little more than some guy who posts on a message board about how he hates my art.

I like to be able to call it like I see it. If that makes me a bad guy, well, at least I’m being a bad guy in my own forum and not a bad guest in someone else’s. I’m not unfair, and I’m not bitter, I’m just passionate and honest and I like comics. I don’t like being gagged because someone thinks my comments are representing Marvel.

But that’s Jim’s style, and it rocks. I like his work, I just don’t think everyone else should draw that way because it’s popular. I don’t believe comics are served as an art form when people narrow their vision. Certain traits in a character identify it, of course, but those traits can be interpreted a hundred different, equally interesting ways!

Opinions are like assholes and the internet allows everyone to show their’s off.

Not much to say on this. You are right to leave, Darick. Your Wolverine is spot on and swearing is good.

UPDATE: I asked Eric Moreels, administrator at X-Fan, for some comments on Darick leaving and he had this to say:

    Just that it was an honor and a privilege to have both Darick and Chuck as a regulars @ X-Fan, and it’s a shame that some fans choose to engage their fingers before their brains when posting online, especially when discussing something that they’ve yet to actually read for themselves! Thankfully, there are still far more fans who understand the concepts of politeness, courtesy and respect, even if they are a somewhat silent majority. There’s no hard feelings between Chuck or Darick and myself — they just chose to remove themselves from such a public spotlight before the negativity wore them down too much (and quite understandably so). X-Fan still has over 30 discussion forums featuring creators such as Chris Claremont, Frank Tieri, Jim Krueger, Nunzio DeFilippis & Christian Weir, and recently Priest and Brett Matthews, so fans still have a place where they can go and chat with a host of creative talent!

This Has An “Adamantium Solid Rejection” Value of Eight Out of Ten


Nailed to the Cross

BigGator5, the guy who put up NC-17 stories featuring CrossGen characters at his website, fanfiction.net, asked if he could reply to CrossGen’s official letter, printed last week in ATR. So here he is:

    There used to be 15 stories at www.fanfiction.net some time ago that I was trying build for CrossGen, so that the fans could show off their work for other fans of comics. I was hoping to spark interest in CrossGen with fanfiction. My stories were there too. Some time ago, “ff.net” removed all of the NC-17 stories. I was ok with that. Another site opened up so I could put my other stories there. I didn’t even thank CrossGen would care or even want to know!

If it was just about that one story then they would have asked me just to remove that one story.

No, this is about how they went after all fanfiction! Scaring many fans into taking their stories down. One of the writers told me that they drop CrossGen after how they scared them with legal action! It was wrong! If they are the “fan friendly” company that they say they are, then they need to say sorry to all those fans and allow them to put back up their stories! They should have not gone after them in the first place!

If they also claim to be “all-ages company”, why can’t they include adults into that category as well?

Oh, about that one story: the story is perfectly legal in the fact that the Supreme Court has already ruled in my favor on the subject. Plus in the state of Maryland (where the stories are located) and in most other states, 16-year-olds are at the age-of-consent. Yes, the minor they talk about is only 16! She is not raped or anything! Hell, she doesn’t even have intercourse! She comes out of the encounter, still a virgin! You guys should lighten up.

I bet you if you go around the CrossGen offices there will be a least one person who had some kind of thing going at 16.

I also noted on the site that the characters do belong to CrossGen and that I have submitted my site to http://www.we-blocker.com for blocking. I also suggest to CrossGen that they get with the people of We-Blocker to include it with “Bridges” and the upcoming DVDs. I mean, what harm can that cause? Not only will it block my site, but also block other sites that parents might not want their kids viewing.

CrossGen, I would suggest you all contact JK Rowling and a Mr. Theodore Goddard about their efforts into getting rid of Harry Potter adult fanfiction. They would tell you it’s a great waste of money and time.

This Has A “I’m Running Out of Clever Titles With Cross In Them” Factor of Four Out of Ten


Superpoll

There’s a poll up at http://forums.delphiforums.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=sanityassassin&msg=2525.1 asking whether or not the new Supergirl, featured in Steve Seagle and Scott McDaniel’s Superman, should be killed horribly or not.

My vote: Frag her ass. Quick.

This Has A “DC Cancelled Peter David’s Supergirl To Make Room For This Whiny Chick?” Factor of Three Out of Ten


Outside the Lines

Let me start by saying that I think DC comics’ Outsiders #1 by Judd Winick and Tom Raney is an excellent first issue for a superhero comic book.

Apparently not everyone agrees with me. This week Comicon.com debuted a new review column by Jess Lemon, an under-21 intern who claims she hasn’t read a whole lot of comics. In her debut she rips apart Outsiders #1 with lines like, “I swear to God it’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen.” Over the last few days her review style seems to have caught the attention of message boarders at various comic sites, some of whom have started calling her a genius.

F you, fanboys.

Can this girl bring the funny? Yeah, she made some amusing comments. Unfortunately, most of them happen to be ignorant or just plain wrong. The things she questions are either cliched or easily explainable, she obviously has no knowledge of Photoshop, and for God’s sake, she doesn’t even like monkeys.

Jess’ comments have sparked comments from Outsiders artist Tom Raney who makes more than a few posts on the Millarworld message boards. He writes:

      I may be biased… but I don’t think

OUTSIDERS

    sucks!

Personally, I feel slighted, by this “Jess” and by the Pulse for running it. I have a thick skin, believe me, I can take criticism. I’d prefer it to be valid and well mannered though. The inane ramblings of a petulant child have NO merit. I found the whole experience distateful and mean spirited.

The problem is.. damned funny only applies if it isn’t you. If someone, let’s call them “Jess” for the fun of it, showed up at your job, or anyone else’s for that matter, and started throwing around uninformed “opinions” about your performance, or tossed off mean spirited jabs at you directly, it might impact on your ability to continue working there. It doesn’t matter whether or not the bellowing idiot has any idea what they’re talking about, if they scream it loud enough and long enough soon people start to believe them.

Also, I have a BIG problem with an opinion piece being called a review. It couldn’t have been much further away from that.

Here are some of Jess’ complaints and why they’re so obviously.. well, retarded:

1) “Let’s start with the cover: it’s cluttery and ugly, and it’s got the title in a “edgy”-looking font that I’m sure must have taken somebody three minutes in Photoshop.”

      What?! The

Outsiders

    logo has to be one of the best new designs I’ve seen. It actually looks like someone used Photoshop. For God’s sake, it’s not a font. You need to start attending those high school computer classes again. Take the Mary Kate and Ashley makeup kit out of your mini backpack and stuff a Design Book for Dummies inside. Oh wait, that might make things too “cluttery” for you.

2) “Now, if I had a superhero team and a couple of my teammates got killed and the team broke up, I might think twice about starting another one. I might think about, I don’t know, working on my own for a while, or maybe taking some night classes and going into another line of work.”

      Um, they’re superheroes and you want them to just give up and go to DeVry? How incredibly industrious of you. But since I actually read the book, I know that Nightwing has reservations about the new team throughout the story. He does think about it. If reading the

Outsiders

    was a Lit. class assignment, you failed. Better check and see if that summer school session for special kids is still open. Or better yet, those popular night classes you seem so fond of.

3) “the blue-or-green robot girl, who says things like “I will have to assume that Arsenal has not informed you of my presence”

    Yeah, robots tend to talk like.. FUCKING ROBOTS!!

4) Jess implies that the book is not new reader friendly.

      I’ve never read a

Titans

      book before this one and I stopped reading

Nightwing

    30 issues ago, and I knew exactly what was happening. I think anyone can pick up this book and read it without knowing the back story. Tom agrees, “Thankfully you don’t require knowledge of anything DC’s published to “get” this book. Sure there are things in it for the long time reader. But you don’t need to know what’s being referred to understand what’s going on. Add to this that half of the characters are completely new, and that lessens any perceived need for prior knowledge.”

5) “So my big question is: why does this comic exist?”

    This is the big question? Jesus, I can’t even bring myself to comment. I’m reading a comic book review from a girl who doesn’t like monkeys and can’t drink beer without forging an ID with her magic crayon set. I need to go to sleep.

This Has A “Monkeys Color Better Than You” Value of Four Out of Ten


Out,
Markisan

PS If anyone has any rumors to share please send them to me at markisan@silverbulletcomicbooks.com or IM me via AOL Instant Messenger. My screen name is Automatic San. Thanks to everyone who has been sending stuff in. It’s appreciated.


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