Ten Awesome Video Game Weapons

A column article, Top Ten by: Nick Boisson, Dylan Tano

 

We here at Comics Bulletin Games are not a violent people. Clean police records, clean bills of mental health and not on any Homeland Security watch-lists (that we know of) all around. That said, when we are in the confines of our homes and our local arcades, we like to bring the BOOM! Games section editor, Nick Boisson, and staff writer, Dylan Tano, share some of their favorite weapons in gaming.

Well, a good amount come from Insomniac's Ratchet & Clank series, but they make such damn fine virtual weapons...

 



 

 

 

The Sheepinator from Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando

In many cases in very many bad video games, it may seem that all your enemies are just sheep. But, thanks to the twisted minds at Insomniac Games, you can make the metaphor an actuality all with the pull of a trigger. The Sheepinator -- beside having the most memorable name of a weapon in any medium -- can morph your enemies into sheep, leaving them nice and defenseless for you to swoop in and pummel them with your wrench. Or, you could leave them alone and and continue your mission. But, if you’re looking to upgrade that weapon into the Black Sheepinator -- which turns your foes into sheep...THAT EXPLODE! -- then you may want to collect those bolts.

 

by Nick Boisson

 

 

 

Mechs from the Armored Core series

Armored Core itself is a surprisingly deep game with a variety of options and strategies... and the mechs are fucking bad-ass. Completely interchangeable between missions and -- in some iterations -- you even equip weapons on the fly during a mission. If you find them lying around, you'll find whole new ways to bring the pain to those who dare oppose your robotic supremacy. There are admittedly a lot of mechanized armors in other games but I've yet to find any as lethal and versatile as those found in the Armored Core series.

 

by Dylan Tano

 

 

 

Alien Dancing Gizmo from South Park

South Park for the Nintendo 64 and Sony PlayStation was not a good game. It really wasn’t. But that does not mean that it did not come from good intentions and a few good ideas. One such idea was an unnamed alien device. In the inaugural episode of the television series, Cartman was anally probed by extra-terrestrials and -- for a moment -- forced to sing “I Love to Singa” from the Tex Avery-directed Merrie Melodies cartoon of the same name. Essentially, this weapon causes your opponent to do the same, except they sing a generic musical number created specifically for the game. During multiplayer, if you hear someone singing, “Ooooooooh! When I get that feelin’ I gotta sing, when I get that feelin’; when I get that feelin’, I gotta sing,” they may as well be firing their cow launcher up in the air and screaming, “You can come throw a yellow snowball at me now!”

And yes, the Cow Launcher and Yellow Snowball were other weapons used in this game. Unfortunately, we really had to keep this list to ten.

 

by Nick Boisson

 

 

 

Suck Cannon from Ratchet & Clank

This thing sucks! I mean, really sucks. I don't recommend using like you did the vacuum cleaner when you were 15. You'll wind up a fiery projectile waiting to be launched at some poor sap of an enemy. It is like someone saw Kirby and went, “I can do better. I'll make it a cannon too!” You can inhale up to 5 small baddies and fire them back at their friends. Gives you a whole new meaning to friendly fire, doesn't it? Not to mention all the blow job jokes you can make about a Suck Cannon that I can't think of.

I wonder how many porn stars have earned “suck cannon” as a nickname...

 

by Dylan Tano

 

 

 

Crowbar from the Half-Life series

Now, while this may be the crudest weapon of choice on this list, it may very well be the darling of the bunch. In the first Half-Life, the crowbar is the first weapon you pick up. It is also the one that you end up using the most. Whenever you are low on ammo -- which is fairly often -- the crowbar is quick, effective and never seems to take any stamina from Gordon Freeman whatsoever. Frankly, the man is a G! As for the crowbar, when life throws you a headcrab, you better whack it quick.

 

by Nick Boisson

 

 

 

Power Suit from Shadow Complex

Do you want to run as fast as The Flash? How about punching as hard as Hulk or the ability to breathe underwater like Aquaman? How would you like to do all three and more? Well, look no further than the power suit from Shadow Complex. Sure, you don't get it all right at the start. But I'm certain I've heard somewhere that if you really want something, you've got to earn it, right? Right.

This thing lets you run on water, walls and barrel through obstacles like some kind of wrecking ball Spider-Jesus. It'll also give you a jet pack (like you'll need it, Spider-Jesus). You also get some handy-dandy ability to take an inhuman amount of bullets. This thing is a veritable Swiss army knife of power suits and it'll even make you breakfast, feed your cat and save your girlfriend, all while you stay at home and play Shadow Complex.

 

by Dylan Tano

 

 

 

Tornado Launcher from Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction

I feel as if this needs no explanation. It is a gun that literally (or virtually, if you want to live in the real world) launches a tornado at your enemies. I don’t know what it is that makes the game designers at Insomniac want to create new, interesting and fun ways to hurt or kill people, but Games bless them for it! Whenever you are in a tight corner and a large group of enemies is comin’ to get ya, launching a tornado is far better than merely throwing a wrench into the mix.

 

by Nick Boisson

 

 

 

Tesla Claw from Ratchet & Clank

There is a lot to love about the Tesla Claw. It is named after Nikola Tesla, for one. And for two, it allows you to zap a crap-ton of people at once. Part Ghostbusters proton stream, part the power of Thor’s Mjolnir; this thing packs a hell of a punch and will leap from enemy to enemy as long as there is something to kill. You also get to go around yelling, “The CLAW!!!” to yourself as you giggle in delight at all the burnt and electrified corpses at your feet. Seriously, this thing is devastating. Kind of like that time you asked the girl to prom but she said no and you cried in your room for hours on end. Oh...you didn't have that experience? Well, it was quite devastating. This is that, but in lighting bolt-throwing weapon form.

 

by Dylan Tano

 

 

 

Gravity Gun from Half-Life 2

In an effort to give you something else that doesn’t use ammo (or at least not your everyday kind of ammo), the folks at Valve give you the Gravity Gun in everybody’s favorite sequel. Obviously conceived as a way for Valve to show off the Havok Physics Engine, the gun does exactly what you think it does: it manipulates the gravity of whichever item you point it at so that Gordon can throw objects (like buzz saw blades) at enemies. Sure, it has limitations like a weight limit for the item and an inability to manipulate living tissue (at least in the beginning of the game), but it really lends credence to every agoraphobe’s fear: the outside world is just full of things that can kill you. And, in the world of Half-Life, saw blades and hydrogen tanks are all over the world as we know it (in that one game that we enjoy).

 

by Nick Boisson

 

 

 

Super Star from the Mario series

How could an item that gives you invulnerability (as long as you don't go cliff diving) and death touch not be on this list? If it were a Magic: The Gathering card, it would have been “ban-hammered” already. Sure, it only lasts for-- what...30 seconds? In that 30 odd (even?) seconds, you'll rain enough death upon the Mushroom Kingdom to make Ghengis Khan blush. Bowser's troops will quiver in fear of your iridescent body hurling toward them like a bullet shot from a rainbow cannon of death. This man has access to a flower that makes you spit hot fire, a mushroom that allows you to smash bricks with your head (while also growing up a bit) and a feather that lets you fly. Yet it is a bouncing star that lets you rain ungodly torment upon your enemies.

 

by Dylan Tano

 

 


 

 

Pop culture geek, Nick Boisson, lives in front of his computer, where he is Section Editor of Comics Bulletin's video game appendage and shares his obsessive love of video games, comics, television and film with the Internet masses. In the physical realm, he works in Comic Guest Relations for Florida Supercon in Miami as well as a day-to-day job, which he refuses to identify to the public. We're thinking something in-between confidential informant and professional chum-scrubber.

He rants on about the things he loves (and hates) on Twitter as @nitroslick.

 


 

Dylan Tano has been playing video games since before he could walk. He's scaled castles and rode on the backs of giants. He has lived many lives and will live many more.

He revealed himself to be the infamous Spider-Bro on Twitter as @BroSpider.

 

 

Community Discussion