By Beau Smith
First off before things get rollin’, I wanna say that the response to my Five Manly Questions With? has been great. I figured that folks would get a kick out of em’ but I had no idea that they would really pounce on em’ like they have. I thank you all as well as the creators that have been good enough to join me in this little adventure into manhood.
Speakin’ of manhood? this week I had to jet out to La La Land for this trip’s Five Manly Questions With? Now most of ya already know that I don’t care much for New York City. I’ve gotta say that Los Angeles is almost as bad. The saving grace is that the babes in Los Angeles are much better lookin’ and they are EVERY WHERE!
Plus because the weather is better they wear less clothing. That’s never a bad thing when it comes to good lookin’ babes. The plastic parts don’t even bother me too much anymore.
It was a nice sunny day as I stepped out into pick up area of the airport. Before I could have a chance to eyeball any of the young beauties that were walkin’ around I heard a voice. A voice that I knew all too well.
In Los Angeles it’s an odd kinda voice to hear. Soft spoken with a southern tone. I’d say it sounds like my own soothin’ voice, but he doesn’t drop enough “G’s” from his words. Another strange thing is that this voice comes from a guy that was born and raised in? New York City. That voice belongs to Dwayne Turner.
For those of you that don’t have any sense or have been in a drunken stupor for that last 20 years, here is a little inside info on Dwayne Turner:
Dwayne has worked in comics since he was in high school and college. It was then that he was one of the original Romita’s Raiders at Marvel Comics. He was in there with the likes of Kyle Baker, Rob Simpson and others that have gone on to make it big in the world of comic books. Dwayne also did time workin’ for the legendary Neal Adams where he learned even more about how to draw comics and how to give an opinion. Through the years Dwayne has worked for every major comic book publisher, Marvel Comics, DC Comics, Image Comics, Dark Horse, IDW Publishing and many more. Some of his more high profile books are Wolverine, Spawn, Luke Cage, The Transformers, Hulk, Sovereign Seven, Black Panther, Authority, and many more. If you ever get a chance look up some of his work then do so. More than likely you’ll find that you’ve got some of it in your collection. Todd McFarlane once said that Dwayne Turner is the hippest artist in the business that has all the skills of the legendary craftsmen.
As most of ya know, Todd McFarlane throws compliments around like manhole covers. If he said it, he meant it.
Getting’ back to reality? I turned around at the sound of his voice. There he was?dressed to perfection, as always. (I still think his wife Robin dresses him). He was standin’ beside his car? one that costs as much as a Jim Lee royalty check. I can’t even begin to pronounce the high brow Italian name it has. I’ve gotta tell y’all straight up, Dwayne Turner is the biggest tightwad I have EVER met in my life. But there are a couple of things he will always spend good money on? DVDs and cars. When it comes to that he always has to have the best or the most.
Dwayne gave me one of those handshakes that takes a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Dre to figure out. I know now why some guys always try and give ya that scavenger hunt of a handshake. They do it so a manly man like me won’t get the chance to crush their girly grip with my manly hands of stone.
I shoe horned my stump jumpin’ ass into that little front seat of his car. Dwayne slid in behind the wheel like his whole body was greased with hog lard. He snickered at the parking tickets that the LAPD so generously left on his windshield and folded em’ neatly into his pocket. Dwayne has never been one to litter.
We pulled out into traffic like a great white shark cruisin’ into deep water. Dwayne pushed a button on the control panel of what looked to be the cockpit of somethin’ thought up by NASA. Next thing I know it sounds like there’s some famous jazz band sittin’ in the back seat? if the car had a back seat? playin’ high tone jazz music. My guess was that Dwayne likes to hear that kinda music when he’s drivin’ close to 100 miles an hour and dartin’ in and out of traffic like it was some sorta porn movie.
Dwayne and I talked over what we’d both been up to since last time we had hung out. I decided to spare him the of the story of my recent stay in the county jail for the last heated discussion that I had in that bar three weeks ago over a woman’s honor. Dwayne and his wife Robin (by the way, she used to be a supermodel) had recently moved from the East Coast to Los Angeles. The move was a double purpose. Robin was lookin’ to advance her career even further and L.A. was the place to do it. ‘Sides? it’s where all the beautiful people like her seem to gather. Dwayne on the other hand figured it was time to advance his art and creativity more into films, entertainment and the field of video games. So far it has been the right move for both.
The rocket ride in Dwayne’s car ended at the gate of one of the more famous Hollywood studios. Dwayne was greeted at the gate and told to go right on in. I think the guard called him “Mr. Turner”, but I could’ve been mistaken. At least I hope I was. Gettin’ called “Mr.” tends to go to Dwayne’s head and makes him a real pain in the ass.
After parkin’ the car in some sorta special lot, we walked over to a movie set that was just breakin’ for lunch. I saw a few stars that I had only seen on the silver screen including Halle Berry. She greeted Dwayne with a big hug and a Hollywood kiss. She said something about them havin’ dinner soon and then she wiggled off to her trailer. Dwayne was in his finest Billy Dee Williams mode. The only thing missin’ was a bottle of Colt .45. (I really miss those old commercials.)
Dwayne and I sat there on the set. Lucky for me it was a bar room set. I felt at home. I reminded Dwayne that I had come out here to hang with him for a few days and also to get his answers for my Five Manly Questions. His eyes lit up and he said that he had been lookin’ forward to em’. I hauled out my notebook with my questions and told him that we should get to it.
And that’s just what we did.
Beau: Okay, Dwayne, What annoyin’ celebrity would you like to smack in the head with a rusty shovel or crush with a heavy kitchen appliance?
Dwayne: With out question I would use the shovel to smash the already soft little punk, “Justine “(no spelling mistake) Timberlake. Because this is no big accomplishment I would like to use the large appliance to cut his bodyguards down to size. Why does he need bodyguards? Are they protecting him from little teenage girls? In the heat of a little trouble nobody back pedals like this guy.
Beau: Words well spoken, amigo. Next one. Other than your very beautiful wife, Robin? name some of the sexiest babes on the planet.
Dwayne: Karimah Westbrook from the movie BadAss is something to beHOLD! And I do mean hold. Beyonce Knowles, Angela Bassett and of course Tyra Banks. When the appetizers are done bring in Serena Williams please.
[I tried to reason with Dwayne that Serena could whip his ass with no problem. He just smiled and said he knew that.]
Beau: Alright then, Name some manly movies that my manly readers should read when they wanna get their testosterone all geared up.
Dwayne: Once Upon a Time in the West, The Wild Bunch, Natural Born Killers, Raging Bull, Training Day, Man on Fire, Leon the Professional, Hard Times and please do not forget one of the all time favorites, Truck Turner. After watching these flicks and you’re feeling like you’ve put in good day of hard work, put on Patton for a lesson on how a real man leads Once you’ve had this testosterone injection, just continue to watch anything by Sam Peckinpah.
Beau: I know you’re a huge fight fan so let’s get into a fight question. You’re gonna take out somebody’s kneecaps or pound on their pointy head. What do ya use? a lead pipe or a ball bat?
Dwayne: I’m the son of a plumber I know the value of a good lead pipe. That battle only ends one way, the pipe doesn’t give in to meat and bone. You should wrap tape around one end though, it helps your grip.
Beau: Very good point, “Truck”. So now I want ya to spill the beer on some of your upcoming work. Let my manly readers know what they should be lookin’ out for from ya.
Dwayne: I’m taking a break from comics, while working on video games. God of War is a Sony game I’ve worked on and Fighting Spirits is another Sony project in progress. I will return to comics with something action packed and cool. I feel like there haven’t been enough good real man, pulp action stuff in comics. I’d hope to come back on my next project and do something like that. Comic book readers haven’t been given any or enough of this kind of stuff in the last few years.
That wrapped up the Five Manly Questions. We sat for a while talkin’ about the last time that me, him, Chuck Dixon, and Flint Henry did a signing tour together. It was a glorious time that none of us would soon forget. Dwayne commented that he really enjoyed when he got to see one of Flint’s personal sketchbooks. He was still in awe of the art that Flint had drawn in the book. He was also amazed that Flint could drink more liquor than any human possible and still seem sober as a judge. We both agreed that it was Flint’s “John Wayne Super Power”.
It was around then that I realized why Dwayne wanted to hang out here at the set instead of us hangin’ in some cool L.A. bar or eatery. He was afraid I wouldn’t pick up the check. I told ya he was tight. ‘Sides he knew that the set would be catered. We feasted there and then took off before anyone got wise to us.
We headed back to Dwayne and Robin’s place in the Hollywood hills. There we sat around and watched most of the movies that Dwayne had already mentioned in his Five Manly Questions. Robin would come in now and then with stuff to eat and drink and just shake her head like any woman does when men are bein’ men. Trust me? women like it that way.
As always, I look forward to your emails and letters on Busted Knuckles. I enjoy your input and questions. It gives me a chance to share my knowledge and experiences as a real man to those that need it the most. I was put on this Earth to be me and that’s all I’m tryin’ to be.
Remember, I ain’t hard to find.
The Flying Fist Ranch
P.O. Box 706
Ceredo, WV. 25507
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