Beat Me Like A Rented MuleBy nature I’m a pretty lazy guy. If there’s a short cut, I’ll take it. Like anything else I apply my lazy ways in moderation. I’ve been around the barn enough times to know that even the most manly man can burn the candles at both ends if he’s not careful and it’s too late for me to die young and leave a good looking corpse.Used to be I was quite the regular at the local video store. I was always renting and buying movies. As you well remember there used to be a video store on every block. Everybody rented them to the public for a while, gas stations, hair cut joints, supermarkets, you name it, they rented it.The mom and pop video stores have mostly vanished now. Technology has seen to that. That same technology has enriched my life.I recently joined Blockbuster Online. http://www.blockbuster.com That’s how I rent my manly movies now. It’s worked out pretty good for me. I started figuring, I have to go to the post office every day, they don’t deliver door to door here at The Flying Fist Ranch. It’s a matter of it being a small town and because my dogs don’t always appreciate folks coming uninvited.For the small price of $14.95 a month I’ve got these Blockbuster guys delivering DVDs here at the ranch with no worry about late fees and other such things that used to cause me great aggravation when trying to sober up from a weekend of manly maneuvers. No longer do I have to threaten video store clerks with a tooth extraction when they comment that I owe a late fee.No longer do I have to give the dick eye to the pimple faced, pierced punk behind the counter when he sneers at my choice of Don “The Dragon” Wilson’s Bloodfist 1 through 6.I can rent three DVDs at a time and keep em’ as long as I want. That means that over and over I can watch John Wayne say “The Hell I won’t.” and punch Leo Gordon into the mud pit in McClintock.I don’t have to pay for shipping for them to send it to me or for me to send it back. It’s all covered with a postage paid envelope that they provide for a knuckle dragger like me.I load up what they call a Queue with the movies I want and as I send the viewed DVDs back they ship off my next choice to me. I just sit back, drink beer, eat Chili Cheese Fritos and let it happen. What more could I ask for? Well? maybe that every movie have Rhona Mitra in it. That’d be right nice.Once a month the fellas at Blockbuster even send me these print out coupons that I can use for free rentals of DVDs or games at the local Blockbuster here in my area. This whole internet thing is working out pretty good. I may let it stay in business a little longer.Here’s what’s in my manly queue right now. Maybe it’ll inspire you to try one of these manly movies for yourself:

  • Humanoids From The Deep. A wonderful Roger Corman B-movie with slimy, scaly lizard men killing people and looking for prom dates.
  • Lonesome Dove: The Outlaw Years. I never saw these when they were on TV as a series. Mostly filled with actors from Canada and based on the characters from the Lonesome Dove original movie. Pretty good stuff. Very muddy, dirty, violent and loads of gunplay. A very good way to kill some time with a modern western.
  • Deep Evil. Another fun B-movie where a special ops team heads to Alaska to fight off a alien that the government has cloned for the ultimate war weapon. That B-movie goofball Lorenzo Lamas is in it and does a good job for once. The real star is the lead ass kickin’ actress Ona Grauer. I’d love to see her in more?or less, if ya know what I mean and I know you do.
  • Sin City. I had to rent Frank Miller’s comic turned movie for viewing at home so I could really watch it and study some of the eye poppin’ stuff they did with it. It even looked good on my laptop. Nice to see one of our own get his property done right by Hollywood.
  • Sasquatch Hunters. Lordy, this is so terrible it’s good. It’s got it all, bad dialogue, bad acting and even a worse CGI Sasquatch tribe. I’ve watched it three times. It’s a wonderful 90 minutes of laughs. Pretty bloody and goofy as hell. You won’t be sorry if you’re looking to gather up some friends and poke fun at something for a while.

Those are just a few of the manly films that have been showing here at the ranch. I’m sure you have much better taste than me, but then that’s why I chase bad B-movies with a cold beer.I still go to the local video store to buy cheap, used DVDs. I’m a sucker for most anything priced under $6.00. The guys at the video store even hold back the really bad movies for me because they know I’ll always buy stuff like Boa vs. Python and Komodo Island.I had a good deal going for a while. A couple of the studios were sending me DVDs of their movies ahead of time. That was a good deal while it lasted. I got to spread the word on some really fun low budget movies. I have a huge respect for guys that put together movies on a shoestring. They always have passion. They remind me of the guys that publish their own comics. There’s always heart in those books.Anyway, if you rent a lot of movies and are as lazy as I am?or just like people waiting on ya hand and foot, try the deal at Blockbuster Online and try and be more like me. It’s the manly way to rent movies. Just go to http://www.blockbuster.com and tell em’ Beau sent ya.
Busted Knuckle’s Manly Cover of The WeekG.I. Joe #35 Sept. 1954 Published By Ziff-Davis.It don’t get much more testosterone filled than seeing a fightin’ mad American farm boy turned soldier puttin’ the hammerlock of pain on a crummy commie that’s looking to make off with a kidnapped nurse.In the 50s this G.I.Joe series of comics had some really beautiful painted covers that were a lot like the covers used for men’s adventure magazines of the time. There was always something manly going on with these covers. It was during a time when being politically correct was just wrong. There was no worry about hurting the feelings of the enemy. We were too busy hurting the enemy!Drawing a Manly cover is a lost art. I see very few manly covers today. I hope the artists of today try and rediscover their manhood. Remember, real men don’t shave their chests!
Color Me BadWhen are the guys at Marvel Comics gonna learn to color a comic? If I were the artists over there I know that I’d be pretty pissed off at the way they’re covering my art with mud. I know as a paying reader I’m not real happy with looking at a comic through ultra dark sunglasses.I’ve been in this business for 20 years. I’ve picked up more about coloring a comic by mistake than these guys have from doing it for a living. I’m just posting up a couple of examples here. There are more to be had over there at the House of Murky Ideas.Fantastic Four House Of M #1. Scot Eaton and Don Hillsman II must work very hard to give us really detailed art. You can almost see it with every turn of the page. I said ALMOST see it. This coloring is like terrible reception on a cheap TV. I hope colorist Dean White doesn’t take this personal like, maybe he’s being told to put a fog over the art. I don’t know. I know as someone that has paid $2.99 for a comic?I don’t like it.The reason I think it might be an order from editorial is because it’s like this on a lot of Marvel books. Just take a look at these examples from Captain America #6 and The New Avengers #6.
Don’t get me wrong, not ever Marvel comic is shot in the dark. Sad thing is, most seem to be. I’d love to see this change. Comics cost way too much money now to have to get eye strain to see em’.
No Secret Handshake NeededI’ve been teasing you guys a little each week about my new upcoming IDW Publishing series called Cobb: Of The Leash by myself and the fabulous Eduardo Baretto. It’s the story of a former secret service agent up against the Russian Mafia and terrorists with a whole new slant. My way of doing a tough guy book without the clichés and over done characters that you’ve been fed before.This week I thought I’d give ya a small sample from the Eduardo’s Cobb sketchbook. These are just a couple of very rough first look character sketches but I thought I’d share em’ with y’all because you guys have always been there to back me.
Art by Eduardo BarettoMore to come?
That’s It. Go HomeThat’ll wrap up Busted Knuckles for this week. I hope you found something you liked or at least never thought of. I aim to entertain and educate in the manly arts.A big thanks goes out to Mickey Corrigan out of Brooklyn for sending me all those great issues of Wonder Woman with Ross Andru art. I thank you very much , Mickey and hope you enjoy the package I sent you. Ross Andru was a great unsung artist. His Egg Fu was the best.Also a large thanks goes to Maria Garcia from Santa Fe. The John Wayne poster you sent was the best. It’s already up here at the ranch and will be for many years to come. Thank you for thinking of me and also for your own lovely photo. I bet you drive the men in Santa Fe crazy.It’s the best time of year, amigos. Football is back and the weekend is once again filled with things to watch and enjoy. Soon real Fall weather will be here and we’ll all be very happy. Make sure you catch the final episode of Wanted on TNT next Sunday. The first season wraps up and it’s been great. I hope they put it on DVD soon.Lemme know how things are going and what’s on your mind. I always enjoy the mail.No me encolerice. Soy muy macho.The Flying Fist Ranch
P.O. Box 706
Ceredo, WV. 25507
http://www.flyingfistranch.com


 

About The Author

Beau Smith

Beau Smith is a writer for Comics Bulletin