From time to time I do my best to try and bring some manly entertainment to your testosterone-starved life. I’m the guy that tries to rough up the edges your mom and dad wanted rounded off. I’m the older brother, uncle and best friend you wish you had. I’m here to keep you from walking down Loser Lane. I’m here to steer you to Busted Knuckles Blvd. and Real Man Road. The interstate of testosterone starts right here.
This week I’ve got some Busted Knuckles Manly Movie Reviews to keep you from renting The Notebook or Terms Of Endearment. These movies are rated on the “Busted Knuckles” system. 5 Busted Knuckles being the best. They count down to one from there and if it’s a really bad movie it gets the lowest rating which is a “Bitch Slap” because that’s what you deserve if your watch it.
Let’s get started. Get some hot babe in a short skirt and high heels to take notes for ya.
Title: Suckers (1999)
“Pulp Fiction Meets Used Cars Meets Glengarry Glen Ross Meets Clerks.”
Rating: 4 1/2 Busted Knuckles
Directed by Roger Nygard
Written By Roger Nygard and Joe Yanetty
Here in Beau Nation when the first words of a film read, “This Shit Is True.” then you know you have a manly winner in your DVD player. Such is the case with the movie SUCKERS. I recently discovered this gem while surfing my Blockbuster Online service. http://www.blockbuster.com.
If you have ever bought a car then you need to see this film. It’s a dark comedy that manly, mean and very politically incorrect. That doesn’t mean it isn’t smart. It’s very smart. The cast is loaded with wonderful character actors that you all have seen and know. SUCKERS is a great film to see just how good they all are.
If you’ve ever been in any kind of sales job you will relate to one or more of the characters in this film. SUCKERS is a month in the vicious life of working at a car dealership. Character actor Daniel Benzali shows why he has the range to play anything. He takes a slant on Alec Baldwin’s Glengarry Glen Ross character and amps it up two more notches.
Louis Mandylor is the central character. He’s knee-deep in donkey dump because he owes a ton of money to two really nasty loan sharks. You walk in his shoes as he takes the job as a car salesman that his wife (Lori Laughlin) pressures him into. Each car salesman has his own story and gets to showcase his role in a very well directed progression of the movie. None of these characters are cardboard. They all have an extra layer that is peeled off as the movie hurtles to a comedic, yet dark ending.
The language in this movie is most foul and runs neck and neck with CLERKS. In my life I’ve worked more than my share of male dominated work places. This is the way guys talk when they are free to be guys.
There is blood, gunfire and violence. There is sex. There is nudity. Know all this before you let your kids or someone else’s kids wander in the room when you’re watching this. If your wife or girlfriend liked Pulp Fiction or True Romance, then they might enjoy SUCKERS. You guys sort that out between ya.
I highly recommend SUCKERS. It was one of those movies that I tripped over and was glad for the fall. In the DVD extras there is a MUST SEE section where the film’s co-writer Joe Yanetty (former car salesman) gives you a seminar on how to buy a car from a dealer. This is a must and worth taking notes as he gives you the real blue collar version of how not to get screwed. Yanetty reminds me of my buddy and Jonah Hex writer Jimmy Palmiotti. That’s a good thing? right?
Again, I can’t recommend this manly movie enough. It’s out on DVD and waiting for you.
Title: District B13
“The Transporter Meets Spider-Man Meets Escape From New York”
Rating: 5 Busted Knuckles
Directed by Pierre Morel
Written By Luc Besson and Bibi Naceri
Distributed By Magnolia Pictures
I first heard rumblings of District B13 when my always on the cutting edge buddy, Chuck Dixon told me to look out for it a while back. Then through Impact The Action Magazine I read up on it, and kept it on my radar. Last week the Anerican DVD of DISTRICT B13 was released. For those of you comic book fans that ever wondered what Spider-Man should look like if he were not mostly CGI in a film, then watch actor David Belle (the character Leito) move in this film. I sat there slack jawed as I watched him move like human fluid in this movie. Amazing doesn’t even come close to a description.
From what I’ve heard and seen so far you will also get a taste of this kind of movement in the upcoming James Bond movie.
In DISTRICT B13, David Belle (Leito) and Cyril Raffaelli (Capt. Damien Tomaso) become two reluctant partners as they have to go into the dreaded walled up crime sector known as District B13. Why? Because the head of the crime tribe in District B13, Taha, has hijacked a Nuke and it’s set to got off in a few hours unless Capt. Tomaso can get Leito guide him through District B13 to disarm it. But first he has to go undercover to bust Leito out of jail. It seems that Leito was set up by the head of the crime tribe and some corrupt cops. Did I mention that the head of the crime tribe has Leito’s feisty sister as a captive?
This film has amazing manly action, not like that dress up stuff in The Matrix. This is how you make all that kinda stuff manly. DISTRICT B13 is like an avalanche. It just keeps building and rolling over every thing in its way. There are neat twists and turns in the story and is A-List all the way. My only complaint is that Dany Verissimo (Leito’s sister Lola) isn’t in the action as much in the last half of the film as she was in the start. She has a hell of a pissed off attitude and you do not wanna mess with her.
The crime boss, Taha (Bibi Narceri) is great as the laid back, remorseless crime boss. He is also the co-writer of this film. Raffaelli who plays Tomaso is a human pitt bull that you would have to nuke to stop.
The dialogue is terse, witty and a perfect textbook example of what more DC and Marvel comics need to adhere to. If you are a writer of comic books then you need to really study this so that you won’t make the mistake of not knowing when to have your characters shut the hell up.
This DVD is a “buyer” meaning you need it for your collection to watch over and over. The action is like a Steve Ditko Spider-Man comic come to life. The photography is beautiful and the direction is A-List. One of the best action movies to come out in a long time.
Busted Knuckles Babe Of The Week
– Country Music Singer
Corn fed. That’s the title of the country hit by Iowa native, Shannon Brown. Well if that what they’re feeding women in Iowa then I know what crop I’m gonna start growing here.
It really doesn’t matter much if you like country music or not. Don’t even matter if you’re deaf. As long as you’ve got eyeballs in your head and blood pumpin’ through your body then you’ll enjoy a Shannon Brown concert. She’s a beauty and worthy of being the Busted Knuckles Babe Of The Week. If you wanna know more or see more of Shannon then just visit her website at http://www.shannonbrown.com or her MySpace.com site at http://www.myspace,com/shannonbrown.
As always, you tell her Beau sent ya.
Busted Knuckles Manly Cover Of The Week
The Brave And The Bold #118
DC Comics 1975, Art By Jim Aparo
A few years back I wrote a 3 issue mini-series with my pals Chuck Dixon and artist Sergio Cariello called Batman/Wildcat. The inspiration for that series came from the classic issue of The Brave And The Bold #118 where The Joker forced Batman and Wildcat to face each other in the ring. The issue was drawn by the incredible Jim Aparo. In my never humble opinion, Jim Aparo was always the best artist to draw not only Batman, but Wildcat as well. This issue was the benchmark of manliness. This issue is a must for anyone’s collection. A stand alone story in ONE ISSUE!! This is a blueprint of how to write and draw a great comic book in one issue.
This cover is just a taste of the kind of testosterone that you will get when you dive into the story. I checked out my own collection and found that I have three copies of this issue. The first two are semi-worn out where I read and re-read them so many time. The third copy is just waiting for me to break it in.
Get manly. Get this issue.
For those of you that think there are no longer any real kids reading comics I’m here to tell you that you are so very wrong.
I’ve been recruiting new Knuckleheads to replace all of you when you get old and are no longer able to fight the manly fight. My secret Real Man training camps are set up all over the world and the macho seeds of manliness have been planted and are now growing to keep Beau Nation strong for many generations to come.
Behold the fruits of this movement with these two Real Men in training. The first photo is of “Iron” Will McCullough of Florida. As you can see, Will’s ready to be a true Knucklehead because his favorite comic is Tiger-Man, the manly comic from the 1970s Atlas/Seaboard Comics. You’ll be taking orders from this guy before you know it.
The next photo comes from the port of San Diego, California where you’ll find “Salty” Sam Adams, future commander of the Beau Navy. The only sailor more manly than Sam is Popeye. As you can see by the expression on Sam’s face he will be more than happy to make your landlubber ass walk the plank if you piss him off.
So don’t think I don’t have back up in this world. I’m thinking ahead and I’m gonna be ready when the rest of ya are picking out a rocking chairs at the rest home.
Y’all be here next week and be ready to act like men. You wanna retire? Then get out of the way.
The Flying Fist Ranch
P.O. Box 706
Ceredo, WV. 25507
Prove your manhood by visiting Beau at the Flying Fists Forum!