By Beau Smith

NOTE: This week’s column contains words that you might only hear in a beer joint or Beau’s house. If you do not like cuss words do not read any further.

It’s true.

It’s not a creed, color, sex, or religion… (not tellin’) thing. As long as you’re not hurtin’ anybody, all that is fine with me.

The people I’m prejudiced against… are assholes.

Due to time, space and the fact that most folks that come to Busted Knuckles / Silver Bullet Comics are here for comic book related material… I’ll restrict the asshole topic to just those in comics.

Assholes. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The main problem is they keep comin’.

We all get exposed to em’ almost everyday. If not in person, then in the mail, on TV, the internet… Hell, they’re everywhere. It’s true that we’ve all got a little asshole in us all. Thing is, most of us are man enough to control that urge to be petty, prickly and pretty annoying.

Others can’t… or won’t.

They seem to wanna embrace this unhappy little inner bitch that wants to spew their venom like Pee Wee Herman at a peep show. I usually try and tune these insects out, but last week while checkin’ out the comic book news sites I couldn’t help but notice that assholes were out in full force.

It seemed like with every news post on a site there was nothin’ but nasty, negative little remarks after every news item. Yeah, it’s a free country and we have freedom of speech… that’s the United States I’m talkin’ about… but why must every bit of news have to have some personal taste watch dog attached?

Are there that many unhappy little turds swimmin’ around in the swimmin’ pool of comics?

I’ve addressed this web posting thing before in my first Busted Knuckles. The one about snarky cowards hidin’ behind screen names to bad mouth people. This goes a little beyond just that singular problem.

I don’t care what other publishers, retailers, distributors , or the press is tryin’ to sugar coat for ya… comic book sales suck like a cheap whore for everyone right now. If someone tells ya that they are truly happy with their sales… then they are not only lyin’ to you, but lyin’ to themselves as well.

So… with that said… why in this current state of piss poor sales across the board for everyone, would others wanna post uneducated, unhappy statements about books they haven’t bought, read or heard of until that article?

‘Cause they’re assholes.

Most of us that buy and read comics are grown adults. Like you, I know that I don’t need some moron tryin’ to tell me what not to buy or read. If I want that, there are plenty of ex-wives, girlfriends, current wives and other pushy, bossy kinda’ people just standin’ in line waitin’ to do that for me. [ED: You forgot to add monthers-in-law to your list, Beau!]

If these sad little people don’t like the comics, creators or publishers that they read about, then my advice to them is SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DON’T BUY IT.

How simple is that?

These people aren’t doin’ reviews or even opinion columns. They are just bein’ mean for no particular reason. They’re tryin’ to be bullies… no… they aren’t even that… at least most bullies try and intimidate ya in person. These guys make sure they aren’t within arms’s reach of ya.

Comics don’t need these brainless, ball-less wonders. These guys should find something they to push up instead of tryin’ to push comics down. They wanna spout off, then they need to get themselves a review column… buy the comics… and then review em’. Most of all… stick their name at the end of that review. I’d suggest they write a letter to the editor, but they know comics don’t print letters now. That means they won’t get to see their crummy little name in print. That translates into them gettin’ no self gratification. End result… their hand goes without sex that night.

I guess you’ve figured out by now that I’m just a little bit angry. I don’t get angry very often. You can ask most anyone in comics or in general… they’ll tell ya, I’m a very easy goin’ guy most all the time. I defy ya to find five people that could say I’m on their ballot for mayor of Turd Town. (Jealous husbands or boyfriends do not count!)

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not suggestin’ ya seek these assholes out and clobber em’. In this modern world of lawyer lovin’ losers, they’ll just sue ya and continue to be cowards hidin’ behind time and money wasted court fees.

Don’t post replies on the message boards and forums that they’ve already shit on.

Do this.

First off ignore em’. That’s what they hate the most. That’s tellin’ em’ that you don’t see that invisible pecker that they think they’re wavin’ around.

If ya feel ya gotta do something… then post something positive about comics. Tell somebody else to try comics. Pass the good word and piss on the bad ones by bein’ a man and just not buyin’ it. No need for a parade. Talk with your wallet. Be proud of what you enjoy. If ya don’t like something then shut your mouth and don’t buy it.

Life is hard enough I can’t understand why some wanna make it harder. I hear folks tellin’ others to “Keep it real”. Well, I’m tellin’ ya to “Keep it simple.” Simply don’t be an asshole. Not in comics. Not in my business and never in my face.

As always, I’m not a hard guy to find.

Your amigo,

Beau

The Flying Fist Ranch
P.O. Box 706
Ceredo, WV. 25507
http://www.flyingfistranch.com

PS: Don’t forget to send in your reader photos to me. They’ll be posted with all the love a cowboy can muster in my Manly Fans section on the Flying Fist Ranch website.


Prove your manhood by visiting Beau at the Flying Fists Forum!



About The Author

Beau Smith

Beau Smith is a writer for Comics Bulletin