Current Reviews


Astonishing X-Men #11

Posted: Tuesday, August 2, 2005
By: Kelvin Green

"Dangerous" (I suppose. Maybe. Part five, anyway.)

Writer: "Joss Whedon"
Artists: John Cassaday, Laura Martin (colours)

Publisher: Marvel Comics

I have a question or two about this issue, if you'll indulge me…

If Xavier can communicate telepathically with Porno Grip Ultron, then why does he need to go to all the trouble of ramming it with a truck when he could just do one of his concussive mind blasts? For that matter, how can he even be communicating telepathically with a machine anyway? Similarly, how can he telepathically fool a jet's targeting computer? And how can he drive a truck if his legs don't work? What's all this silliness about Magneto turning off all the electrical devices on Genosha when Genosha's supposed to be an inhospitable wasteland without any working electrical devices in the first place? How is turning off all electrical activity on an entire island "not getting involved"? If he's "not getting involved" to that extent, why can't Magneto just come in and rip Porno Grip Ultron to pieces? Why is Xavier trying to kill the robot using a scheme so over-elaborate that even Wile E. Coyote wouldn’t bother with it? Why does Porno Grip Ultron ask why no one wondered where Cassandra Nova's Sentinel went, when the main plot of New X-Men #132 (you know, the title this is supposed to be a continuation of) concerned its very public and very visible conversion into Magneto's memorial statue? Actually on that note, why did the surviving population of Genosha not only take down and dump Magneto’s statue in the sea, but also spend the time and effort to restore it to its original Sentinel appearance before doing so? Why are John Cassaday and Laura Martin wasting their time and talent on this bobbins? Is "Joss Whedon" Marvelese for "Chuck Austen"? Or "Howard Mackie"? Why does no one at Marvel understand that this is an utterly shite story that should never have been printed in this atrocious state? What do editors Sean Ryan, Nick Lowe and Mike Marts do all day anyway? Why won't anyone think of the children?

I am, for the first time in this title's short history, Astonished. But not for the reasons Marvel might have intended.

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