Here we are again. Last week we let the ladies of the comic book world have and now it’s time for the guys to take shelter. Get ready for pimp canes, Speedos, and fish scales galore. Let’s see how some mighty heroes and dastardly villains measure up when it come to wardrobe heroics or crimes of fashion.
Felicity: I love the dual colors and how the mask is split down the middle. It gives him a more sinister look. The boots and gloves make me think of Robin Hood, which is different and not necessarily a bad thing. The little hot pants make me giggle every time though, even if they are over the mail. I’m a sucker for the bullets across the chest; it automatically gives that badass feel.
Karyn: Deathstroke aka Slade Wilson – even this guy’s given name screams bad-ass. The half black mask – a testament to his lost eye – is what I think pulls this whole outfit together. Even without the mask, Slade rocks the eye patch like no ones’ business. He’s a little ninja, he’s a little pirate, he’s all kick-ass merc.
Holly: For the discerning assassin who can’t decide between the romance of a sword and the practicality of a gun, look to the example of Deathstroke. Samurai chic meets Rambo in this red- and blue-clad mercenary who utilizes both swords and guns. Deathstroke wears surprisingly practical clothes compared to so many other comic book men; heavily armored (and armed) is clearly the way to go.
Roel: Looking like a bad-ass, modern-day pirate I can only think of one character that doesn’t look good wearing lots of ammo… cough… Cable… cough… Oh wait, that probably was just Rob Liefeld’s drawings…
Dawn: Unlike other two-toned costumes later in this list, Deathstroke’s getup actually works for me. It’s comfortable, sleek, and practical…unless he was trying to sneak up on someone-then the bright orange might just give him away. But then again, you may just need warning if you are the subject of one of his contracts.
Roel:Smooth white suits and enough money to stay stylish. Pimp cane included!
Dawn: Kingpin rules his wardrobe like he rules his, uh, business-with Godfather-like style usually not bestowed upon men of his girth. But, don’t let the gentleman fool you. If he says, “Where’s my money?” You’d better respond, “Right here, Daddy!”
Holly: There’s a reason why so many comics and movies have been made about the mafia: mobsters have seriously good taste when it comes to clothes. And Kingpin, in his classic snow-white suit, is clearly no exception to this rule. His ability to set trends and turn heads is further emphasized by pairing that spotless jacket with purple slacks and a yellow shirt; no one but a criminal mastermind would think to go out in public in that color combination.
Felicity: When I think of Kingpin, the terms suave, debonair and sophisticated spring to mind. That’s reflected in the suits he’s known for. I instantly think of the jacket, pants and cane combo that’s just a win all around. I would love to raid this man’s closet.
Karyn: The guy is pure style and class, albeit being an obsessive, raging megalomaniac. The guy has money, and he dresses like he does. There was a time when he paired teal pants with the white jacket and purple shirt. This was a dark time, but he’s the Kingpin, and anyone would be willing to overlook that tiny fuax pas. I love how flashy he is, he obviously doesn’t care about standing out. Too bad Daredevil will never know how slick his nemesis looks.
Holly: Fashion may be cyclical, but some things never go out of style. The Shade proves this with his traditional choice of a classic zoot suit, an outfit completed with a top hat and cane that lend it a dapper flair. The boutonnière is just icing on the cake, completing his image as the creepy date your parents desperately wish you’d never brought home.
Felicity: Ohhh, this man’s dress code just makes me so happy. Can I just say… top hat?! He just exudes evil butler in a way that draws the eye. Granted, he only has one color scheme, so there’s not really an option of clashing, but his whole outfit just fits together perfectly right down to type of shoes he wears. He even has the cane and the gloves to complete the look (and have I mentioned the top hat?!).
Roel: Ahhh… gotta love Victorian age gentlemen style. Pimp hat with the pimp cane! WIN!
Dawn: Yes, Victorian Pimptastic! The Shade turns simple shadow to smokin’ sexy
Karyn: Yeah, yeah, top hat. He is a rather dapper gent isn’t he? He and Mina Harker must call each other up to coordinate outfits for weeknight outings. I think if anyone could upset the Kingpin, it’s the Shade. His jacket and vest ooze dark sophistication, and yeah, the top hat and cane just seal the deal. Ready for a bad pun? The Flash better watch it, because this guy is slick.
Karyn: No body armor, no spandex, no bright colors or exciting patters. The Rocketeer keeps it simple, and there’s just something really heroic about a guy who fights crime in a leather jacket and khaki pants. He definitely has style, I mean that’s not just any leather jacket, and that helmet is, well, it’s certainly unique. I think a lot is owed to Dave Stevens; he made a helmet that looks like the grill of a Buick look good. Rocketeer was steampunk before it was cool.
Roel: Although I have to disagree on the helmet, the rest of the outfit is slick. Feels like military uniform and what lady can resist a man in uniform?
Dawn: I kinda dig the helmet, it reminds me of the crush I had on Ultraman as a kid, but I digress. The Rocketeer pairs World War Era Officer’s uniform with aerodynamic head gear-practical and stylish. WOOSH!
Holly With an outfit that’s all sleek lines and smooth curves, yet without the body-hugging tights that most superheroes sport, the Rocketeer is the very embodiment of his own name. He’s aerodynamic and sports a fine figure in red and gold.
Felicity: The Rocketeer is just classic. There’s no other way to put it. I adore his entire outfit, especially the jacket and boots. Normally, I’m not a huge fan of the style of pants, but they’re necessary to complete that ’30s style. I just can’t find anything to fault with this one.
Jen: Anthony Chu is a cibopath, this means he gets a psychic mage of
whatever he eats and that includes the graphic details of slaughtering, or murder. His job requires him to eat dead people to solve crimes, and he somehow manages to always look good doing it. He stays cleaner than regular detectives despite the extras he is required to consume. The sweet simplicity of his attire smacks of Ned, the pie man. Just remember, sometimes less is more.
Dawn & Roel: While not dressed quite as classy as “MIB” agents, Agent Chu here rocks the classic un-uniformed cop look while he eats evidence to solve cases. Classic rolled up white long sleeve with tie, clean!
Holly: Every good special agent knows that the most stylish way to fight crime is in a good three-piece suit. Agent Chu’s attire serves the dual purpose of helping him to fit in at respectable dining establishments, proving that work uniforms don’t have to be ugly or uncomfortable.
Felicity: Again with the tie and dress shirt and pants. I’m sensing a suit theme amongst these men. As an FDA agent, Chu pulls off the suit very well. The fact that he’s usually seen with his sleeves rolled up gives him more of a casual, sophisticated look which I find appealing.
Karyn: It would not be fitting of Chu’s character if he wore something flashy or colorful. He spends half his time eating bits of dead bodies, and occasionally gets puked on. He’s an agent, plain and simple. He doesn’t nee to rely on fancy clothes. I absolutely agree that less is more in Agent Chu’s case. Although, I think a bib might be a welcome addition.
Karyn: Some times however less is just less. Namor never thought much of the human society but what about polite society? No shirt, no shoes, no service. Yeah he’s got the rockin’ body, and I’ll be first to admit he looks better in a Speedo than older European guys do, but come on man. At least he thought to accessorize with golden cuffs. Hell, if we could get him to put on a bowtie he could try out for Chippendales.
Holly: Apparently Namor missed the memo on public decency laws. Sporting only a Speedo may be acceptable in whatever magical underwater fantasy kingdom he came from, but here in the real world we require pants. Or at least tights.
Roel: Why is it that you must have scales in any costume underwater? This is more of a blinged out Speedo and that’s it!
Dawn: Ditto what Roel said. And, what exactly are the little wings on the ankles supposed to do underwater?!
Felicity: Hmmm, well… uh, nice coloring in that… Speedo? I feel as if I’m staring at a Vulcan version of Arnold Swarzenegger in his underwear… or maybe the male version of Lady Death. I like the gauntlets, but overall I’d think he’s missing some integral parts to the outfit… like clothes.
Felicity: There are just a lack of words to explain that mask. What is that supposed to be? It looks like an electric star has sprouted from his face. I like the fact that they tried to incorporate the lightning bolts into his clothing, but I think they went overboard a bit. I also like the idea of the blades coming out of the gloves, but they’re sticking out too much. It makes him look like his arms are going to try and fly away.
Dawn & Roel: Really? Lightning looking flaps flaring from your mask and gloves? The costume doesn’t look like it’s made of a rigid material and yet the “lightning” seems to stick out perfectly. Take a cue from the DC Captain Marvel, sometimes less is best!
Holly: One has to wonder if Electro has a secret desire to be a caltrop. Between the gloves and the, er, mask, could he be any pointier? And as for the color combination… let’s just say my eyes are burning just looking at him.
Karyn: I think Blitz will be pissed when she finds out Electro copied her basic outfit. Maybe they should fight together as team Pointy and dangerous. I feel bad for Spider-Man having to fight these crazies who can’t dress themselves. I don’t know if I’d be able to fight them, I’d be laughing too hard. Imagine this guy on the subway trying to get to the bank he’s going to hold up. Granted, it is New York and he’d probably be the third or fourth guy to wear a mask on the subway in just that hour.
Jen: Okay, I realize that he spends quite a bit of time in the water, but come on. An orange and green bodysuit? I have thought about this and I know that sea creatures typically use camouflage to survive; even sharks are darker on the top and lighter on to bottom to give them an advantage over their prey. Aquaman’s orange and green makes him stand out like a sore thumb in the ocean. How has he survived so far? I know that the orange and green is classic, but does that color combo even go together? Wait, maybe he is an Irish half Atlantean.
Holly: Looks like Aquaman slept late on the day costume colors were assigned, because he ended up with the combination no rational person would choose if they had any real choice in the matter. All I can think of is that he’s trying to look like a fish, because otherwise the orange and green don’t really do much to reflect his name or abilities.
Dawn & Roel: Although he has more of a “costume”, and the fins on his calves make a little more sense, once again we have scales! Even worse…ORANGE scales! Not sure who thought orange and green were a good combo either.
Felicity: Oh, Aquaman. Somehow I just knew he’d end up on this list. The orange scales bother me the most. I get that the scales are supposed to be fish-like but were they really necessary? Why orange scales? The little underwear outside of the tights cracks me up every time.
Karyn: I thought it was obvious? The orange scales were meant to represent the most noble and heroic of all aquatic animals. The goldfish. In honor of their selfless sacrifices to carnival ping pong games and the curious hands of six-year-olds, Aquaman has donned their colors. I don’t know if it’s a good thing that Aquaman’s costume was improved when he lost a hand, ditched the orange and grew his hair out so he looked like crazy aquatic hobo.
Holly: I like to think that if Earth truly were a sentient creature, it would be offended by the idea of being protected by a superhero dressed like Captain Planet. This man’s hypothermia-tainted blue skin clashes badly with the bright red Speedo, long gloves, tall boots, and… wait, what exactly do you call his top? It’s like shoulder pads with an abbreviated, back-hugging cape, and I have no idea what’s keeping it from being blown away by the first heavy gust of wind he encounters.
Dawn & Roel: Our powers combine for an awful combination of red, silvery blue, and green-mullet power! Is that the “world” on his chest or
a disco ball?
Karyn: Wow, call me dense, but I never noticed that was Captain Planet’s skin. I always thought his shirt and pants just matched his skin. Well that’s makes this even worse than what I thought of it originally. He’s practically naked and spreading the word of recycling. Too bad PETA upped him by having people actually get naked. Nudity for a cause never worked on me, but I tell you what, ditch the mullet and I’ll put a strong consideration into this conversation act.
Felicity: While Captain Planet was a big part of my childhood TV obsessions, I have to look back and shake my head at that outfit. At least with Namor, I could understand the little amount of clothing because he’s underwater a lot, but what’s Captain Planet’s excuse? You’d think flying through the air, he’d want a little more clothes for warmth. The tiny little top and underwear hardly count as clothes. If nothing else, I’m surprised they didn’t give him a cape to billow out behind him. I am happy that they at least managed to use a color that didn’t clash with his skin and hair though.
Dawn & Roel: Rainbow colors really don’t instill the dread and fear that you’d normally expect from a super villain. Not only did he totally misuse the rainbow with one costume (1st appearance in 1966), but he managed to screw it up again in 1987 when he is suspected to have robbed Hasbro of their entire inventory of Lite-Brites to disguise himself as a giant disco ball! No wonder the always stylish Green Arrow family tauntingly reminds him whenever they meet that he, indeed, has the worst supervillain costume ever.
Holly: Of all the things to try to emulate, a disco light ball would be pretty low on the list for most people, but apparently Dr. Spectro isn’t “most people.” This villain supposedly used prisms to do evil things, but it seems obvious that the only evil thing about him is his taste in clothes. Heck, even Dr. Spectro himself has to wear sunglasses to shield his own eyes from the atrocity that he wears from the neck down. Most people learn to dress themselves at a fairly young age, but apparently the lesson never stuck with this weirdo.
Felicity: Wow… very rarely do I get the feeling of wanting to bang my head against the keyboard, but this one does it. Polka dots?! Really? An entire leotard of polka dots? Just… wow. I understand that he’s Doctor Spectro and has to be colorful, but they could’ve done something better than that. How is anyone supposed to take him seriously?
Karyn: Oh boy. This is why we don’t cheap out on fabric for our costumes. It’s like he took Aunt Milly’s hideous 1970s living room curtains and whipped them into an outfit ala The Sound of Music, but with less fun singing. And he totally stole Jubilee’s glasses on top of it all. Here I thought I would die laughing at Electro, but I was wrong. Dr. Spectro I think wins the worst costume contest. Even his emotion altering prism machine couldn’t keep me from hysterics and horror over his Rainbow Brite costume.