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A Visit From Batman
With apologies to Clement C. Moore
'Twas Thanksgiving Night, and throughout Gotham City
All the villains were scheming, which was really a pity
Good citizens of Gotham trembled under their beds
As nightmares of mayhem tripped through their heads
Two-face had balanced a great, giant scale
On one end, the mayor! His face was quite pale
On the other, unflappable (his suit showed no stain)
Hung the faithful old butler of one Mr. Wayne!
Poison Ivy had Robin in her vines entangled
The boy couldn't move for fear he'd get mangled
"He'll stop you!" he cried out, "Just wait and see!"
But the woman just laughed and said, "Oh, will he?"
The Scarecrow had Batgirl with fear gas infected
He chortled, his voice with pleasure inflected
"Thanks to me, the city will tremble in fear!
She replied bravely, "Not when Batman gets here!"
The Joker (of course) was laughing with glee
And said "Tonight's just the night for a spree!
Come Harley, come Mo, come Larry and Curly!
We'll see that tomorrow no one wakes up too early!"
And with that, the devious fiend cut the power
To ensure no one's clocks would show the right hour
Poor merchants of Gotham would make not a dime
For nary a shopper would waken in time!
Then to my ears came the sound of a shout
I peeked through my curtains, afraid to look out
The moon through the smog with its dull orange glow
Could not penetrate the shadows of Crime Alley below
As I ducked in again and was turning around
Batman was there – he'd made not a sound!
The cape that he wore was as black as the night
The lenses that covered his eyes were quite white.
His bat-ears, how pointy! His glare, how foreboding!
My secrets, I knew, I would soon be unloading
A belt of bright yellow was wrapped round his waist
(I've heard that any who touch it get Maced.)
I shook when I saw him and said, "What do you want?
I'm clean, man, I swear! Pick another to haunt!"
He just narrowed his eyes behind that black cowl
Picked me up with one hand, then spoke with a growl.
"Talk!" he said, "That you are clean is your claim,
But you know their nefarious plans just the same!
You know the Riddler's plot and the mayor's location.
Now tell me, or else! I want information!"
I said, "Geeze man, why are you talking that way?
You sound just like somebody out of a play
Or a poem, or a-"
"Just answer the question,"
He said, and I gulped, and took his suggestion.
While I spilled out my guts he spoke not a word
Just nodded, and smirked, and I knew that he'd heard.
Then he dropped me, and when I looked up, he was gone!
I ran to the window, looked hither and yon-
A swoop and a leap took him back to the wheel
Of that vehicle known only as the 'Batmobile'
But I heard a someone say as he drove from the spot
"What a superstitious and cowardly lot!"
The Final Squeak
Partially inspired by an image drawn by Mark Dos Santos and colored by Steve Downer. You can purchase a print of it here!
Squeaky Wheel Logo by [email protected]
Kyrax2, in her secret identity, is:
A. A part-time model.
B. An ace World War I pilot.
C. A mild-mannered office manager.
She has a bachelor's degree in:
A. Was sent to Earth by her real parents to escape the destruction of their home planet.
B. Is secretly a robot who can remove her own head.
C. Loves comics and reads any she can get her hands on. (I know, this one's pretty farfetched!)
A. Races ultralights for fun and profit.
B. Used to have a
crush on Kitty Pryde.
C. Was born during a total eclipse of the sun.
In her spare time she enjoys:
A. Reading (books and comics), writing (fiction and non), gaming (everything from tabletop wargames and RPGs to Cardcaptor Sakura, Tetris, Rock Band, and DCUO) and watching TV (mainly anime, animated superhero cartoons, and Rifftrax).
B. Building emissions-free vehicles out of recycled materials.
C. Alligator wrestling.